A Father's Day tribute to the dad's of special needs children

Fathers deserve their day in the sun. But this is a special shout out to the fathers of special needs children. You deserve more than a day of dedication, but I suspect that you are just glad if you get an hour to yourself. Here are some reasons why I think my husband is an amazing dad to our sons living with autism.

Patience. Your cup runneth over with this stuff. You are calm among the storm that is autism. In our case, x2. You are the calmest, most easy going person I know, and I love you for it.

You have developed thick skin over years of hearing co-workers and family share their kids triumph of honors, high SAT scores, college acceptance, and every other milestone imaginable. I know it must be a dagger to the heart some days. But you keep it to yourself.

That brings us to bottling things up. It's not the healthy way, but men do it. It simply isn't acceptable in society for a man to break down in tears. You handle your emotions so well. You don't get to cry it out like moms get to do. You bottle it up deep inside you. It must be so hard to be the strong one all the time. I am glad to be there for you when you feel like releasing the emotions that are kept hidden away from the rest of the world.

The stress that you carry from day to day can weigh you down. It's no secret that we face challenges that many people will never know. As the bread winner in the family, I imagine that you carry around a great deal of stress. You worry about being able to provide for our family, and meeting the financial demands of caring for special needs children for years to come. Somehow, you manage to do it all.

You work hard. You are dedicated to your job, but still manage to be a good father. Soccer, basketball practice, and taking over home making duties while I work on Sundays. Even when you are traveling for work, you manage to use facetime to be a part of our lives every day.

You never give up hope in our boys. You believe that they can achieve. That outlook is something that our sons see every day. You always try to teach the boys everything that they need to know to be as independent as possible. And on those days where it's hard for me to push ahead, you are there to encourage and remind me what our ultimate goal is. For our boys to lead productive, independent lives. You are always there for me. On the days when I want to cry, feel discouraged, or scared, you are there to lift me up.

But the most amazing gift that you give to us is unconditional love. You always let us know that you love us, no matter how hectic, exhausted, frazzled we may all be. Alex, you rock my world. Thank you for being an amazing father.

Happy Father's Day to all the dads of special needs children.

Why we travel.

Alex just returned from a trip to England, and I wanted to share some pictures on my blog. And what a better time to discuss what travel means to our family. Travel is important to all families. It gives us a chance to connect with one another, without the distractions of work or school. For a family that is living with autism, travel couldn't be more important. Sure, there are some major challenges, but with it are such sweet rewards.

Buckingham Palace.

Alex captured so much of London in this shot. The London Eye ferris wheel and classic architecture to the left, Big Ben, a double decker bus, and a collection of British flags straight ahead.

We never let our kids diagnosis stop us from going out and exploring things. Even from a very early age, we tried to get out there and expose the kids to different things. Sometimes, it was just a quick weekend trip to San Diego, or Palm Dessert. Other times, it has required 5 hour flights across the country, then a 4 day cruise. Always fun to be on a plane for 5 hours with a 1 year old, right?

As the kids began to display signs of autism, we did have to adjust a bit. Let's face it, there are stares from other passengers when your kid is hand flapping, rocking, or doing whatever he does to cope with the world around him. So traveling involves some thick skin.

And it's so important for us to plan. Every little detail is thought out. If we are flying, is it a non-stop? Are our seats together? Can we sit toward the front of the plane? Noah get's anxious waiting his turn to exit the plane. And while we are on the subject, he can get nervous getting on the plane. Is there pre-boarding? How about TSA procedures? We try to pick early flights, hoping to avoid some of the crowds. What about flights, non-stop, direct, change of planes? Let's talk gear. Each kid get's their own backpack, filled with things to keep them occupied and fed. Snacks, books, ipads, portable dvd players, sticker books. The list seems long, but it ensures that the kids stay occupied, and aren't a nuisance to other passengers.

So you are probably saying to yourself that you do all of this with your kids too. You pack carefully, consider their needs. Of course, these are the things that every parent should do. But preparing a child with autism has a totally different meaning. You have to consider their needs carefully. I guess what may set us apart, is the fact that my kids can potentially have a huge meltdown. As in meltdowns to end all meltdowns. I don't mean the "I want this toy and if you don't give it to me, I will scream and cry" type of meltdown that a toddler might have. I mean cries as if in pain, rocking back and forth, etc. Thank God we are past all that now. And I really do believe that our journeys have contributed to our kids moving past that. 

Pub established in 1549.

So back to preparing for a trip. Social stories are always used. I work on pictures and stories to tell the kids what they can expect. I try to be as detailed as possible. Hotels, different museums, what food will we eat, etc. And I try to include as many photos as possible. My kids are visual learners. 

With every journey, both big and small, we always try to push a little more each time. In the early years, we tried to keep things short and sweet. If we were at Disney World, we were only in the park for a few hours in the morning. We probably spent more time unwinding at the hotel, than at the theme park. Waste of money, you say? Not in our eyes. We built in learning experiences. At EPCOT, we did the passport around the world, where Nik (Noah was not verbal enough) went around the different countries to get his passport stamped, making eye contact and saying hello. He even learned how to say hello in Japanese. My kid, who was struggling to speak at that time, said hello. Sure, he could have said hello to someone at home. But not with the added stimuli of a crowded theme park, while learning to patiently wait his turn. Money well spent.

Another old pub, Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese. Charles Dickens used to hang out here.

I can recall Nik and Noah's teachers back in California, saying they could tell that we take our kids out into the world. Noah could barely talk, but told his para about a pelican that he saw on his cruise. They could talk about things that they saw in the Smithsonian. It's one thing to read about something, but to see something first hand, really hits home with my kids. And they are little sponges in museums, absorbing every little detail. Years later, and the kids can recall something that we saw in the Field Museum. Sue the dinosaur was a big hit with them. 

Shakespeare's Globe Theater

Tower of London

Traitor's Gate.

Life would be so much easier if we didn't go anywhere. But it would be boring. Life would be easier if we just continued to go to Disney vacations. Disney is safe. Our kids know it so well. They have fun. They know what to expect. We love Disney vacations. And we would be quite content just continuing to go to theme parks. But if we continue to do that, there is limited opportunity for growth. How can we continue to push for progress, if we don't try to move outside of our comfort zone? The answer is simply this. We must take the road less traveled at times. The road where our kids will have to learn how to maneuver unknown surroundings, cope with different cultures, explore the and unfamiliar. In other words, it's time to move away from the mouse and see the rest of the world.

Ok, can you tell that I love Tower of London?

Oh, ok, maybe one more. 

Candy store!

Fish, chips, and mushy peas.

Other than the Bahamas, we haven't left the country with the boys. That is the next big test for us. We are fortunate that Alex is our guinea pig. He travels for work, and paves the way for us. His experience in New York City was a big help in us preparing the kids for our trip there. I have no doubt that Alex's latest trip to England, will some day pave the way for us again. Sure, it scares me a little to go so far away from home with our kids. Especially when we will have to contend with differing diets, time zones, and cultural differences. But I know our boys will rise to the occasion. They always do. And there will always be a Mc Donald's.

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

No, not that kind of Kiss. More like the hardest working band in the world kind of Kiss. They just opened up a restaurant in a new entertainment district called, Prairie Fire. We made the trip over to check out what Prairie Fire has to offer, and since Noah is a Kiss fan, why not have lunch at the restaurant?

First stop was the new movie theater called Cinetopia. There are 3 different styles of theater there. The first one is the GXL screen, which is an 80ft large screen and great surround sound. The second type of theater is the Living Room, and the last type was the master suite. So far, we have tried the GXL and the Living Room.

First of all, the website said that the GXL seats are reclining. Not really. I would call them rockers. The screen was huge though. We saw X Men there, and the sound and picture were both great. Next, we tried the Living Room to see Maleficent. The theater was smaller than your average one, and it had big framed pictures up on the wall, and nice reclining chairs, with tables. We really enjoyed this theater. Next time, we will need to try the master suite room. All the seats are love seats.

Thanks to Groupon, we were able to score some discount tickets. For $18.95, you receive 2 movie tickets, and a $6 concession stand voucher. It seemed like a good deal, so I bought 4 sets. The theater is more expensive than our local AMC. A regular screen will run you $10.50 for adults, and a 3D screen will be $12.50. Of course, the big money maker is the concession stand. Our $6 vouchers didn't go far. That is a medium popcorn in Noah's hand. I believe that was over $6. A small (think child size) soda was $4.75. 

Prairie Fire is a nice place to walk around and window shop. We walked into the chocolate shop, and Fat Brain Toys. On a second trip back, the kids picked out a couple of toys that were reasonably priced. Nik picked out something called Carnivorous Creations. Basically, he is going to grow a Venus Flytrap. Yay. Noah picked out a tornado tube. All he needs are a couple of soda bottles and the tube will create a tornado. It's a cool little science toy. 

We decided to have lunch at Rock 'N Brews, the restaurant owned by Kiss. The seating was interesting, because they were big tables where you sat together with strangers. The restaurant has huge glass walls that open up, so there is plenty of outdoor seating. Rock music from the 80's is played at high volume, which I loved. I did not mention to Noah that we were going to a restaurant with a Kiss theme, so he was pleasantly surprised when we walked inside.

Noah asked me to make sure I take a picture of the Kiss picture.

We had a very friendly waiter, who filled us in on the menu. He was very prompt in taking our order, and asked if we were in a hurry. I assume they ask this due to the movie theater across the street. I thought this might be a sign that we were going to wait a while for our food, but service was actually pretty quick. 

The kids ordered chicken and a burger, while Alex and I ordered fish tacos and a club sandwich. The portions were pretty big. I ended up taking home half my sandwich to eat for dinner later that night. Price for lunch was around $60.

Prairie Fire also contains the new Natural History Museum. Now here is where I'm not going to give such a great review. For $20 each, I would expect more. My kids are museum fanatics. They have been to some of the best in the country. Sadly, this new museum isn't great. It's probably a step below ok.

From the outside, it looks huge. 

From the inside, not so much.

We walked into the Great Hall. It would be allot greater if they had more in it. There is one big dinosaur fossil. 

There is also a wall with large touch screens, where kids can create their own dinosaur, or in the case of my kids, a dragon. Meet their creation, Spikey. Once the kids created him, we were able to see him fly over on the big screen.

The Great Hall also contains a small store, and a bunch of wasted open space. Such a shame. I think they could have utilized the space so much better. We also visited the the traveling H2O exhibit. The kids really liked it.

The different displays were informative, and the kids learned from them. They even got a chance to touch an ice block, and learn the science behind it, and what climate change means.

Our beautiful planet. We need to take better care of it.

More hands on exhibits.

 I love how my kids seem to know the binomial names of most of the animals in natural history museums. And they know what binomial name means too. Which is more than I can say about me.

 We were in and out of the water exhibit in less than 30 minutes. 

I probably would make another return visit, depending on what the traveling exhibit is. If it is something that would interest the kids, I would do it. Otherwise, no thanks.

Prairie Fire is a nice little corner of town to spend time at the theater and to have a meal. I'm glad we tried it. And we will definitely be back.