The great coach, Jim Valvano, once said in his final speech, "Don't give up. Don't every give up." He said this as he was battling cancer. So much of his speech hits close to home for me, a mom of special needs children.
This weekend marks the 7th anniversary where we took the leap of faith and moved away from everyone and everything that we knew and loved. The anniversary always makes me pause and reflect on the the events of the past 7 years. And I marvel at the progress that my boys have made. I believe in my heart that if we had stayed in our home state, my boys would not have made such progress. This is not a knock on the teachers and paras of California. They were wonderful. But there is only so much a teacher can accomplish with 1 para and 15 kids. Once we moved here, the kids had one on one attention in Elementary school. That would have never been possible back home.
So here we are 7 years later. The kids are thriving here! While they are doing very well, and have made great progress, I have had to come to terms with some of my dreams for the kids. I know that college is not in their future, at least not in the traditional sense. When we finally dropped that off our IEP future goals, I cried. Now I know that not every kid goes to college. But most kids have a choice to go. That choice was taken away from my kids. That hurts. And it's a hard pill to swallow. I'm not a quitter. I believe that you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it. So to accept the fact that my sons won't walk on stage to accept their Bachelors Degree, that really was a kick in the gut. But over time, I came to terms with it. So the goal is for them to get the best job that they can, and be completely independent. Finally accepting that the kids wouldn't go to a traditional university, is not quitting or giving up on my boys. It's simply acknowledging that their journey is different. Not less than, just different than other kids.
So this week came another one of those little bumps in the goals I have set for my kids. We are just facing the fact that Noah continues to struggle with tying his shoes. We have tried to teach him. The school has tried to teach him. While he has made some progress, he still hasn't mastered the task of tying shoes. So time to suck it up, and come to terms with the fact that my child has a different journey than other kids. Again, not less than, just different. Yes, I am a bit sad. Will my son ever learn to tie his shoes? I am sad that I don't have an answer. I am even more sad that the answer to that question could possibly be no. Because I hate to give up.
Now here is the awesome part of this story. Because with me, there is always a bright side to this story. Noah is blessed with an awesome educational team. His teacher passed along some information about a shoe lace that would help Noah to be more independent. That is the ultimate goal with everything related to my kids. Independence, baby! It's a wonderful word. So meet the little slice of Heaven that will help Noah to be more independent. It's called Lock Laces.
We put them on his shoes when he got home today. And you know what? He did it! Is this giving up on my child? I guess some people might say so. I don't see this as giving up. I see this as acknowledgment that Noah is a kid with different goals. Different, not less than. Don't you forget it! Different is good. Because his goal is to be independent. And he is moving in that direction. So no, I am not giving up. I will never give up.
If you have 11 minutes, and want to hear one of the most inspirational speeches, check out Jim Valvano's speech.
