The initial call we had received was that my father in law was very sick and not expected to live. I received that call just before the kids went to bed. I told them that their grandfather was very sick, and that he would pass away soon. We sat together and prayed for everyone back home. Nik even dropped to his knees to pray. Shortly after that, I received a second call to let us know that he had passed. The kids were already asleep by then. I called Alex to break the news, then immediately started working on arrangements for the kids and I. The worst part was knowing that Alex was so far away from home, with no one around to comfort him.
The next morning, I woke the kids to tell them the news. They were confused and in a bit of a shock to learn that we were going to be leaving in a few hours. But this is when our hard work with the kids really paid off. We don't bubble wrap the kids. We work every day to teach them to be prepared for life. The boys definitely rose to the occasion. They had questions, of course. I could tell the kids were nervous, but they did a great job getting their emotions in check.
At the airport, we were picked for extra security screening. We did the full body scan, then the pat down. Both kids followed instructions, and the TSA were great at being patient and repeating commands if the kids didn't respond. Once on the plane, the boys helped me get the suitcase up in the overhead compartment. We usually fly once a year, so we have our system down to a science. We pack the same snacks, ipads, laptops, etc. Having an in-flight routine definitely helped to keep the kids calm with all the sudden changes.
On the way over, I talked to the boys and explained that people would be crying. Our loved ones would be very sad. I warned them that there would be a Wake, that we would get to see their Grandpa in the casket. I told them that they could go up and visit him, or just stay in their seat. I wanted them to feel like they had options. Since my in-laws are Catholic, I also explained that there would be differences from our church. I warned that we would see cross at the alter, and that there would be a statue of Jesus nailed to the cross.
It was a long, hard week. My father-in-law was a beloved family member and no matter how old he was, it was still hard for everyone to say goodbye. Nik seemed to really be effected seeing his family crying at the service. He refused to go up to the casket for most of the Wake. But he finally did decide to go up at the end. Noah, on the other hand, asked to go up right away. He talked about his Grandpa being in Heaven with God.
I'm so proud of my boys. I think they learned some valuable lessons about supporting others through grief. Every time someone came over to visit the family, the kids got up to greet them. Noah would give them a bear hug, then ask who they were. The kids were able to roll with the punches at all the changes to their routines. They are are strong, resilient boys.
So what is the point of this long blog post? Simply put, it is to say that it is impossible to avoid life changes. While you don't want to live your life planning for someone to die, there certainly are ways to prepare your children for the death of a loved one. Being 1,000 miles from home, this means last minute flights, leaving home suddenly, coping with not so perfect flight connections. Take every opportunity and turn it into a life lesson. Your kids will be better off for it. Don't bubble wrap them. Let them live and experience the bumps of life. It will help them to cope with all that life brings them. Even the loss of a loved one.
The boys patiently waiting as we waited for photos to be printed for the funeral service.
Killing time on the long journey home. We had a layover.
Somber and tired from an emotional week.
"Nik, we have a layover and need to wait on the plane for a bit. Are you ok with that?"
