From can't to can.

Something happened at work, and it lead me to think about my life, and how much I have come out of my shell in the past year. So here is what happened. We were having an end of year celebration. I work with some awesome people, and it is nice to be able to spend time with them in a relaxed setting. Our work requires us to focus on the task at hand, and we don't really get a chance to just chat.

So, we had a series of relay races between 3 teams. We had 3 different relay races to choose from. I volunteered for the first one, because it seemed like something I could handle. Sure, it involved running. Sure, I am totally out of shape, and was not wearing a sports bra, but what's a girl to do? Well, that relay went well. And by well, I don't mean that my team won. I mean that I didn't hurt myself, and I didn't accidentally expose any body parts. So I considered my leg of the race as a success.

After the races were over, we were at a 3 way tie. We needed to do another relay to crown the winner. This leg of the race was the spin around a baseball bat relay race. Despite the fact that I can get dizzy just rolling over in bed, I raised my hand and said I would run the race. In case you don't know, here is what is involved with the game. You have to place your forehead on top of a bat, and spin around 5 times, then try to run to the opposite end of the field. Yeah, I knew it was going to be a train wreck, but I did it anyway.

I got dizzy after the first spin, and in true me fashion, I lost track of how many times I circled around. Finally, someone told me I had already completed my five spins, so I dropped the bat and started running. I really should have stopped first to get oriented, but I just went for it! Go big or go home, baby! That is, if home involves me slamming into the ground like a meteor hitting earth. Because that is pretty much how things went down. I hit the ground hard. And I was so dizzy, that I didn't even feel that I was going to fall. I just all of a sudden, saw grass on my face.

I popped up and tried to run, while I laughed hysterically. It wasn't pretty. I imagined how funny I must have looked, bouncing off the ground. Then I imagined how silly I must have looked trying to run a straight line. And I laughed hard. Fell hard, and laughed hard.

Days later, I was still sore from the fall. Not like serious injury pain. More like middle aged, overweight woman falling onto the ground pain. I really should have said that I can't run this race. But I jumped in and said bring it on!

So what about this made me think about my life? Well, I'm normally a self conscious person. I make sure my make-up is applied, my hair is combed shortly after I wake up. I try not to draw attention to myself when I'm out and about. I like to blend in. And above all else, I don't want to embarrass myself.  And it's this desire to not make a show, that has caused me to miss out on some good times. I wasn't always this way. But I think that in the process of raising my kids, I have lost a little bit of  myself. I think it happens to many moms, and maybe even more to special needs mom. You are so busy trying to get through the day, you forget parts of yourself. I'm not saying that I don't laugh. If you know me, you know that I am rarely not cracking a joke about something. But I most definitely don't want to stand out in a crowd.

In the past year, a part of my job has required me to sing and dance in front of a room full of children. Sometimes I am at the front of the class, leading everyone in some pretty silly dance moves.  Just go to youtube and look up clips of people dancing to "Making Melodies in my heart" to get a taste of the silliness. It was hard for me in the beginning. But it has now become one of my favorite parts of my job. I just love it! Sure, I probably look ridiculous, but I am having fun, and more importantly, the kids are having a blast too.

The woman who walked into the office for her interview 9 months ago, would not have jumped in front of a group of people to sing and dance. And she certainly wouldn't have said "put me in coach" when volunteers were needed for a dizzy relay race.

I went from I can't do this because I will look silly, to I can do this because I will look silly. Ok, I probably shouldn't have done the spinning bat thing. This girl fell hard. But it was totally worth it. And I would do it again next year, if asked. (Please don't ask me. I will have to say yes).

That's it, folks. And now for a silly face contest.

Conquering demons, I mean dinosaurs.

Like probably every kid in America, my kids love dinosaurs. They are kind of fanatical about it. When we visited the Natural History Museum in NYC, they could tell me the name of every fossil we came across. Yes, even the weird ones that I had never heard of. Oh to have their memory skills...

There is a T Rex Cafe in Kansas City. We tried to visit several times before. But each time ended with me carrying Noah in full on anxiety mode. And he was pretty much wrecked for hours after that. One particular time, we took Alex's family for a visit. Everyone had a nice lunch in the restaurant, while I spent a hot, sweltering hour in the sun, trying to calm Noah down. I think that was when we just gave up on trying to take him to T Rex Cafe. That was 3 years ago.

Fast forward to Mother's Day weekend. You don't know what your kid can accomplish until you try something, right? One thing I have learned in raising two kids with autism, is that you can't always just sit back and do what is always comfortable for the family. Sometimes you have to push them to reach higher. You have to go outside of your comfort level in order to thrive. Otherwise, life is just all about survival. Do you want to survive, or thrive? I want then to thrive, damn it!

Oh, our pushing can end in disaster at times. Like the last T Rex Cafe experience. But it often ends in a great life experience. So off we went to T Rex Cafe one beautiful Saturday. Getting off the exit, we immediately spotted Schlitterbahns latest water slide.  See that structure to the left? Yeah, that is supposed to be the tallest water slide in the country. Uh, no thanks.

No. Just no.

It was race day at Kansas Speedway. We could see RVs everywhere. Keep in mind that it was an evening race, and it was barely 11am when we passed the track. These people are serious about their races. I always say it would be fun to go to one race, but the reality is that I would be complaining about the lack of bathrooms after a few hours.

T Rex Cafe is just across the street from the track, so we were glad that we got there so early. There were some old race cars on display, and a sign that led people to where drivers would be signing autographs. We didn't stick around to see who would be signing. But here's an old car.

Noah seemed pretty excited as we approached the restaurant. I mean, happy excited, not "Birthday kids at three o'clock"  excited. "Birthday kids at three o'clock is not only a line from Toy Story, but Noah's safe words for "get me out of here!" 

We got there right as they were opening up. This place can get packed, and I didn't want to have to deal with a crowd, in case we needed to make a quick exit. The restaurant has some very large fossils outside. Pretty cool stuff.

Baby dinosaurs

This guy was lurking behind our table.

The restaurant is filled with animated dinosaurs. And every 30 minutes, there is a big thunderstorm and volcano eruption. It's pretty cool. Cool, that is, if your child isn't screaming in terror. And this time, he wasn't!

While sitting at our table, Noah was so excited, talking a mile a minute about all the dinosaurs. And he was able to verbalize the fact that he could not do this a few years ago. It's pretty damn cool when your kid is able to acknowledge the fact that he has been able to conquer something. 

Noah was doing so well. And seeing that this was a celebration, I went ahead and let them order their drinks in the "fancy" cups!

And now for your viewing pleasure, an assortment of pictures with us with our eyes closed. It's what we do.

Ok, these are better. Turning the flash off helped. You have no idea how many Alex had to take before he caught me with my eyes opened.

Look at my boy all happy! Praise God.

The crowning moment came when a table behind us was serenaded with the birthday song. That song is always good to cause a meltdown with Noah. Not this time. He couldn't care less. I tell you what, I almost cried tears of joy right there.

And one more of me with my eyes open!

We had such a nice, pleasant lunch. It feels so good to be able to enjoy things as a family. I love every minute of these days! 

I could not have had a better Mother's Day present than this day. It's great to see Noah enjoying himself, and not be frightened by the world around him. In the grips of anxiety, we were just trying to survive and get through the day without losing him to his fear. Now, we really are thriving. 

Birthday week

We had 2 birthdays in one week. Noah turned 12, and Nik turned 15 just two days later. How did they grow so fast. My babies! I took these pictures on their 1st and 4th birthday party.

The kids had their weekend all planned out. The wanted to BBQ, have a Spiderman cake, see Spiderman 2, and go to Lego Discovery. That's an action packed weekend, but we were set to do it all. A big thanks to an awesome co-worker, who was sweet enough to fill in for me in my Sunday school classes. Without her, I would have missed spending the day with my family. I'm so thankful to her!

We started off by going to see Spiderman. We had I Max tickets and it was well worth it. The special effects were great, and the boys loved the movie. From there, we raced over to pick up the cake from Baskin Robbins. I had expected some friends to come over, so we were in a bit of a hurry. Unfortunately, the friends cancelled while we were driving to get the cake.

Now that we no longer had to stick to a schedule, we stopped off and had a burger, then proceeded to get the cake. It looked awesome! 

Of course, after we finished the cake, we realized that the Spiderman head lit up. Oops. Too bad we didn't notice sooner. Oh well. 

We had such a nice time prepping the food. We made carne asada and burgers. It was very good, and the kids liked it. And the weather was picture perfect!

We had presents for the kids. They wanted action figures, so we loaded them up on those. They also received money, Nik received a Roku player, and Noah received a Spiderman fathead. We always let them open presents on their actual birthday, so that explains the different clothes in the pictures.

Following the BBQ, we let them blow out the candles on the cake. 

The next day, we headed to Discovery Legoland. We bought them annual passes as part of their birthday presents. 

Did you know that Kansas City is known as the City of fountains?

This birthday cake greeted our kids. Actually, it was to celebrate Lego Discovery, but we'll pretend it's for my kids.

Trolls!

The kids love to check out the mini lands. There is a pretty good Wizard of Oz display.

Check out the tail on that last guard. It's the cowardly lion!

It's never too early for Halloween!

This is the door to the restroom. I couldn't resist taking a picture of it. Weird, I know. 

They love their sports here in KC.

And leave it to my engineer to want to build something.

They were building racing cars. 

And now for the their favorite part. The new Star Wars area! Did you know that Nik's birthday is also Star Wars Day? It is! May the fourth be with you.

After that, we were ready for lunch. We headed over to one of our favorite places to eat, Fritz's Railroad Cafe. Oh look! Another fountain!

If you aren't familiar, food is delivered by trains, on tracks around the ceiling. Then they are lowered to your table by platform. The trains kept stalling on the tracks that day, so we were nervous food would fall on our heads. Fortunately, it didn't.

What an awesome weekend! We really did have the best time. Happy Birthday to two of the greatest kids in the world!