From can't to can.

Something happened at work, and it lead me to think about my life, and how much I have come out of my shell in the past year. So here is what happened. We were having an end of year celebration. I work with some awesome people, and it is nice to be able to spend time with them in a relaxed setting. Our work requires us to focus on the task at hand, and we don't really get a chance to just chat.

So, we had a series of relay races between 3 teams. We had 3 different relay races to choose from. I volunteered for the first one, because it seemed like something I could handle. Sure, it involved running. Sure, I am totally out of shape, and was not wearing a sports bra, but what's a girl to do? Well, that relay went well. And by well, I don't mean that my team won. I mean that I didn't hurt myself, and I didn't accidentally expose any body parts. So I considered my leg of the race as a success.

After the races were over, we were at a 3 way tie. We needed to do another relay to crown the winner. This leg of the race was the spin around a baseball bat relay race. Despite the fact that I can get dizzy just rolling over in bed, I raised my hand and said I would run the race. In case you don't know, here is what is involved with the game. You have to place your forehead on top of a bat, and spin around 5 times, then try to run to the opposite end of the field. Yeah, I knew it was going to be a train wreck, but I did it anyway.

I got dizzy after the first spin, and in true me fashion, I lost track of how many times I circled around. Finally, someone told me I had already completed my five spins, so I dropped the bat and started running. I really should have stopped first to get oriented, but I just went for it! Go big or go home, baby! That is, if home involves me slamming into the ground like a meteor hitting earth. Because that is pretty much how things went down. I hit the ground hard. And I was so dizzy, that I didn't even feel that I was going to fall. I just all of a sudden, saw grass on my face.

I popped up and tried to run, while I laughed hysterically. It wasn't pretty. I imagined how funny I must have looked, bouncing off the ground. Then I imagined how silly I must have looked trying to run a straight line. And I laughed hard. Fell hard, and laughed hard.

Days later, I was still sore from the fall. Not like serious injury pain. More like middle aged, overweight woman falling onto the ground pain. I really should have said that I can't run this race. But I jumped in and said bring it on!

So what about this made me think about my life? Well, I'm normally a self conscious person. I make sure my make-up is applied, my hair is combed shortly after I wake up. I try not to draw attention to myself when I'm out and about. I like to blend in. And above all else, I don't want to embarrass myself.  And it's this desire to not make a show, that has caused me to miss out on some good times. I wasn't always this way. But I think that in the process of raising my kids, I have lost a little bit of  myself. I think it happens to many moms, and maybe even more to special needs mom. You are so busy trying to get through the day, you forget parts of yourself. I'm not saying that I don't laugh. If you know me, you know that I am rarely not cracking a joke about something. But I most definitely don't want to stand out in a crowd.

In the past year, a part of my job has required me to sing and dance in front of a room full of children. Sometimes I am at the front of the class, leading everyone in some pretty silly dance moves.  Just go to youtube and look up clips of people dancing to "Making Melodies in my heart" to get a taste of the silliness. It was hard for me in the beginning. But it has now become one of my favorite parts of my job. I just love it! Sure, I probably look ridiculous, but I am having fun, and more importantly, the kids are having a blast too.

The woman who walked into the office for her interview 9 months ago, would not have jumped in front of a group of people to sing and dance. And she certainly wouldn't have said "put me in coach" when volunteers were needed for a dizzy relay race.

I went from I can't do this because I will look silly, to I can do this because I will look silly. Ok, I probably shouldn't have done the spinning bat thing. This girl fell hard. But it was totally worth it. And I would do it again next year, if asked. (Please don't ask me. I will have to say yes).

That's it, folks. And now for a silly face contest.